consensually connecting with a partner during Shibari Lounge's intimate beginners rope workshop with like minded individuals — So, you’re at a **rope jam** or **peer rope session**, and you’re about to tie with someone new. Or maybe you're reconnecting with a long-time partner. Either way, **asking questions before you start** never hurts—and in fact, it's a key part of creating a safer, more consensual and connected experience. Circumstances and feelings can shift from day to day, even with familiar partners. Communication is always key.

Here are 7 questions we recommend asking before beginning a rope scene—whether you're a rigger, bunny, or rope switch:

What’s your experience with rope bondage?

Are you new to rope, or do you have previous experience? This question helps set the tone for your scene. It’s a good chance to ask things like:

What kind of rope play are you in the mood for?
Are you looking for something sensual, sadistic, playful, tight, minimal, or challenging?
Is there a specific tie or feeling you'd like to explore?

Setting expectations from the start can elevate the experience for both of you.

👉 For riggers at busy jams: Remember, you’re not a “kink dispenser.” You’re not responsible for delivering someone's perfect first Shibari experience. It’s okay to say no. It’s also okay to want to lab something specific instead of crafting a full scene. Rope is adaptable—so are you.

2. What do we want to feel or explore in this scene?

Are you here to connect gently, to get a little spacey, to challenge each other physically, or just to try something out? Clarifying emotional and physical intent helps guide the energy of the session. Maybe you're aiming for a visually interesting tie, maybe you're practicing for performance, or maybe you’re just reconnecting.

Scenes don’t have to be perfectly aligned—but being open about your headspace and limits helps avoid misunderstandings.

comfortable fun floor rope with friends exploring being a rope bunny and my body at the beginners tie along and rope jam with a great balance of learning and play

3. Do you have any medical conditions, injuries, or allergies I should know about?

Whether it’s an old shoulder injury, asthma, or an allergy to jute or rope oil, this is vital information. If you’re a rigger, it's your duty of care to help keep your partner safe. Always carry safety shears, understand the basics of human anatomy and be sure to keep communication at the forefront of any scene. If needed, have essential medical items like inhalers or EpiPens nearby.

4. How would you like to communicate during our scene?

Do you use verbal cues, a safeword, or a non-verbal signal (especially if speech becomes difficult mid-scene)? Ask how quickly someone tends to “drop in” or become floaty—especially during intense ties.

Unlike other types of play, Shibari takes time to undo. So establishing how you’ll communicate discomfort or stop the scene is crucial. For bottoms: be aware of circulation and nerve signals, and check in with yourself regularly.

5. Are there any areas you'd like me to avoid—either for rope or touch?

This could be anything: neck, feet, face, crotch, hair—even asymmetry if that makes someone uncomfortable. You’d be surprised how many people suddenly remember they hate having their feet touched... mid-scene.

As a rigger, share what you’re planning. As a bottom, speak up early. Boundaries help both of you feel respected and free to enjoy the experience. If you have an Idea what you’d like to do as a rigger before you begin, perhaps run that past the bunny and check they’re okay with where you’d be touching them and where the rope will sit. It’s also okay and fun to explore your self and work out what you do and don’t like though, especially if this is all new, just remember to communicate.

friend receiving aftercare in the form of a hug, water and a warm blanket after an intense suspension during a rope jam at Shibari Lounge

6. Are you okay with rope marks?

“Rope kisses” or rope marks can vary in intensity depending on:

The type of rope
Duration of the tie
Pressure or tension
Skin sensitivity

Some marks fade in minutes, others last a day or two. Occasionally, you might also see petechiae (tiny red blood spots), especially in high-pressure ties. Discussing this beforehand can help avoid surprises and potential distress later—especially if your partner is going to work or has sensitive skin.

7. What kind of aftercare do you usually need?

Aftercare is as important as the scene itself. Rope can be physically and emotionally intense. Your body releases chemicals like adrenaline, serotonin, and endorphins—and when those drop off, the come-down can be real.

Some people need:

Water or electrolytes
Sugar (grapes are a great snack!)
A cuddle or space
A debrief chat
A blanket, stretch, or just silence

Aftercare is for everyone—tops included. Check in afterward, and if you’re comfortable, consider checking in the next day too.

Bonus: Do you need to use the toilet first?

No, seriously. It sounds small, but it’s a big one. Once someone is in rope, you can’t exactly hit pause. Plan ahead!

Final Thoughts:

Shibari is about connection, communication, and consent. These questions don’t have to feel clinical—they can be warm, playful, or soft. They’re an invitation to build trust and deepen your dynamic, whether it's a five-minute lab or a full scene.

Ask more. Assume less. And tie with intention. 💛